Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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