my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
