Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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