I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
