Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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