I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
