I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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