just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
