Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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