Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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