When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
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Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
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I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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