You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize