i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize