Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
