i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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