Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
