apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
