That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
