I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
