New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.