Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
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As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
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I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.