I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...