Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.