You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we're making bets on your personal life
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras