I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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