ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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