Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
