Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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