ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dear god my vagina.
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