Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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