Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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