I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
