Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
