just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
