i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.