Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
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went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
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Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.