So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You are a genius and a whore.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
