Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
