yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
