Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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