I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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