I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
