Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
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As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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