so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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