Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
