those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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