Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
