Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
