I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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