Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
