Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Two words: nipple clamps
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