I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
