it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
