you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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