Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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