I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
