conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Randomize
