I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
