i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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