ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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