Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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