god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
