Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
someone owes me an orgasm
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
