Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Houston, we have a blender
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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