Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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