Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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