I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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