i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
