I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize