Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
