i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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