She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
