Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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