dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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