so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
